Seven

Seven months ago, this amazing little guy was placed into our arms. Those of you that have been following along with us (and I thank and appreciate you all!) know that I have shared some of the milestones along the way......one month home, 3 months home & more! Today marks another milestone as well; Tyler has now been with us for as long as he spent in Taiwan. 7 months in Taiwan & 7 months in our arms, though it would be 2 additional days before coming home to America.

I remember clearly when we reached this milestone with our Lauren and its just as significant with our son. Tyler's time in Taiwan was marked with skilled nurturing care, love & I believe happiness. It was also a time that tested him with drastic transitions. The first occurred when he was placed into his Foster home at the age of 3 months. I have expressed before our gratitude & debt to this beautiful woman who showered him with her loving ministrations for 4 months, but still I understand what a tremendous transition that must have been for someone so small & vulnerable. The second & 3rd transitions occurred on February 9th, our blessed Family Day & then again as we flew home to begin our lives as a family of 4. What stands out in my mind is how well Tyler handled each of these fundamental shifts in his reality......these losses, in his short life........... & as the keeper(not owner) of his precious history I am always seeking ways to document(preserve) the steps and the building blocks of his past that have made him the sweet & courageous baby boy he is today.

Often we are asked if we believe Tyler remembers any of his time in Taiwan. Sometimes we are told that such memories would be impossible. Knowing our son as I do, I know with a deep certainty that he does remember and was shaped by the time he spent in his beautiful birth country. I intuited this as a Mama, but its been reinforced time and again. Some of you may recall his delight and joy upon hearing " I love you" in Mandarin. That was a humbling moment for me, a lesson not to forget. I have also witnessed his earnest curiosity and keen interest in our Asian friends and Asian families we see in our day to day adventures. Tyler remembers and its specific. He spots lots of folks with black or dark hair, but only women of Asian ancestry draw his most penetrating gaze. This was more pronounced in the first few months home and of course he is generally cautious around strangers in public........but I KNEW he was seeing something akin to "home"........someone who resembled the sweet face he loved in Taiwan and grieved for once home with us. I know he remembers and I believe he is who he is because of his time in Taiwan.......not in spite of it.

I have also been asked, mostly by close friends/family, if I mourned the loss of spending those first months with him.......with both of our babies. Over the years my answer has changed. Always I felt that it wasn't right or fair to grieve those "lost" months; how could I complain having been so blessed? That would seem ungrateful, maybe even selfish. But time & experience shapes most realities & now allows me to honestly answer, "yes"....."of course". Of course I wish I could have seen them take their first tremulous breath......witness their first case of baby hiccups.......see that first radiant, toothless grin.....first roll over........of course I wish I could have folded them into my arms as they cried or fussed in the night & soothed them after the first round of baby immunizations. Of course I wish I could have spared them the loss and confusion of each transition. BUT, in answer to that question, my response now will always be baby centered. Taking myself out of it, more than anything I wish that both of my treasures could have been showered with the love, adoration and the magic that most newborns experience, even peripherally, from day one. Please don't misunderstand.....I KNOW they were loved.....deeply. Their lives are testaments to that fact. But I also know that there must have been crushing sadness and even grief ; not because of the baby (beautiful, innocent,pure), but because of the situation; a situation that many of us reading this would find unthinkable. Once upon a time I used to watch A Baby Story on TLC, but at some point found that I no longer could. Not because I envied the parents or begrudged the babies their spotlight.......but because I knew in those first hours, days, weeks, months there were no balloons, flowers, breathless phone calls to friends & loved ones for my babies..........no new parents gazing in rapture at these tiny miracles, hovering nearby so as not to miss a single newborn moment. Perhaps no celebration. That did happen eventually........it just took 7 months. :) And in some ways, even that answer is unsatisfactory to me; its not my place to tamper with HIS will or with history as it unfolded. Every lost or missed moment became a cherished moment for us ......but just a little bit later. And because of it, I know better than to take a single moment for granted.( Which is not to say that we don't have our grumpy moments.....lol) I am mindful that our family was shaped from all of the above and know its both my charge & privilege to show our children unconditional love each & every day. To celebrate who they are, where they came from and where they may go. And God give me the strength to give them wings one day, to find their own way....their own destiny.

*deep breath* Changing gears......

AND Tyler is 14 months old TODAY!! My intention was to share 14 juicy tidbits about our little guy, but this post sort of ran itself tonight. Who knew I was gonna wax philosophical?? LOL Just please know that its been a glorious 7 months and we can't wait to see what the next 7 months bring!

Below are some pictures from our recent days at home, just Tyler & Mama. We've been outside a lot and water has been the general theme. LOL When I look into his face I so clearly see the echo of Taiwan and its gracious people. He has laughing eyes and a zest for life that I find irresistible! :) Happy 7 months home baby boy!! Thank you for choosing us!!

"Peace and love to you all."