The love of this one girl is so humbling to me.........as our family prepares to celebrate 2 huge milestones for our precious baby boy (more on THAT in future posts!!) and we hustle to clean, organize, plan, shop and joyfully welcome guests, my mind can't help but wonder to this one little girl, who at just 6 1/2 has gracefully handled so many adjustments this past year.....so many changes. I worry about her sometimes, for no other reason than Mamas worry. I worry that as our family integrates meaningful aspects of Tyler's birth culture into our everyday lives and special occasions that she might feel a bit left out. Certainly we have done the same for her and will continue to do so.......but uncovering the pieces of her birth culture and and heritage could be likened to an elaborate treasure hunt......priceless when we unearth a custom or nuance to embrace, but fewer & farther in- between than Tyler's more accessible culture of origin.
I wonder if one day she will covet, even privately, the information we have about Tyler's Birth Mom and the letter and gifts she sent back with us.......all safely tucked away for him one day. There is little I wouldn't give to have those same amazing mementos tucked away for our Lauren too. Certainly we have beautiful and precious handmade treasures purchased during our time in Kazakhstan awaiting milestone birthdays and events; we have journals, photos, videos, keepsakes and more.....but still I wonder....will it be enough?......how could it be? Can she possibly know that we brought the VERY best treasure of Kazakhstan home with us......and it was always her!
One day we will return to both Kazakhstan and Taiwan as a family of 4. Returning to Taiwan will, most likely, be a readily accessible destination. Returning to Kazakhstan will prove to be more challenging as its not a common route for heritage tours or mainstream touring companies. We will, in large part, go it alone......if we are lucky we may be able to travel as part of a ministry or relief effort; in my heart I believe that would be right & possibly life altering for us all.I wonder if the distinction will be important to Lauren........somehow I believe it would be.
The past 4 1/2 months have graced us in a way I didn't even fully imagine. We welcomed our second miracle home and Lauren welcomed home the baby brother she had been praying for.....and for many many years. Their relationship in some ways surprises me the most. Certainly there are days that having a baby brother proves aggravating; having been an "only" for just shy of 6 years, Lauren has faced very real transitions. And there are moments......moments when I know she wishes our mornings of play, reading and adventures as just her and Mama would return....moments when the baby is fussy and the noise is frustrating......moments when she's asked to wait a moment longer, despite it being "her turn" that she has patiently awaited.....moments that might try even an adults patience, let alone a child's. And there are moments I can tell it wears on her.
And yet......the LOVE of Lauren means that she is the very first person to rush to his nursery at the slightest fuss following a nap and climb right into that crib! :) ..........the LOVE of Lauren means allowing her baby brother to handle her most delicate and prized things, simply because of the joy it brings him.......the LOVE of Lauren means rushing us to the baby boy section at every store to find many many things for "her baby" that Mama and Daddy need to buy..........the LOVE of Lauren is knowing that she calls her brother, Pei-En-O more than she uses Tyler, because that's the name she heard in each update video and the name we all fell in love with.........it may also go a bit deeper than that, and oh gosh, that's a beautiful and radiant love to understand intuitively how it may matter one day to him.........the LOVE of Lauren is a teaching love and study of patience as she reads to her brother, holds his hands over & over again as he practices walking & winds his musical toys with unflagging enthusiasm........the LOVE of Lauren means Tyler will never walk alone(nor will she) and will always have an incredible role model in life both in good times & in hard times. Not a perfect love....but a true love.
Tyler calls Lauren, "La La"........what a happy joyful sound. For the love of this girl (and baby boy!) I am so eternally grateful and thankful......I pray for the strength to always provide "my loves" with a strong self-identity and pride in their respective countries of birth. May they always know they are celebrated, cherished and loved.......not for where they came from or the richness/beauty it has brought our family, but for simply being themselves.
P.S. The pictures were taken recently on a silly & fun day. Lauren LOVES her baby brother AND my old Teddy Bear that she found stored in our basement and has lovingly made her own. Her soft heart simply wouldn't allow him to remain downstairs so he joined the legions of her beloved stuffed animal collection!
10 comments:
Lisa,
Lauren knows how much you guys love her. She really is a beautiful, happy, little girl.. happy thanks to you and your wonderful way about you and your positive outlook on everything. Remember I still want you to live next door to me LOL.
As for Mr.Tyler... sosososo cute.. and I so love that the birth mom gave you treasures for him... I so hope that happens for Paige... and did you ask questions ahead of time.
OOPs sorry this post is about Lauren.Being able to visit her land of birth will be perfect as she gets older.
lol
Lisa
This is just too sweet for words. I love it. I love how she climbs in his crib, and how she calls him by his original name. Too sweet. What a doll you have!
What a great big sister. I hope to have such a relationship with my little ones. Victoria JOH
Oh Lisa, what a beautiful post. I had to read it twice just to absorb all of the depths.
Your Lauren is full of love and light and sounds like an amazing and insightful child. Your love of her birth Country will help her develop a love and a sense of pride in it too. And I love how you said that you brought the very best treasure home...her. You brought tears to my eyes, what a beautiful sentiment.
We too struggle with the fact that we have no information to share with Simone, and the fact that we will have much more for Wei-Che. And yes, there is not much that we wouldn't give to have just a scrap of information or a few personal trinkets to share with our lovely girls.
But I've said it before, Lauren has developed such a beautiful heart and soul by learning from you and Scott. You are a one of a kind Mama and you give so much of yourself to your babies. Your honesty about the information you do have and your compassion about adoption will help Lauren when/if these questions, concerns, fears and sorrow come.
And I truly love that she still calls her baby brother by his first name. That she recognizes the link between his name and his culture…now that is amazing. The bond your children will share through their lives will be a never-ending source of strength and support for them, and you have done so much to foster that bond. I can imagine the adjustment has not been easy for her and it sounds like she is handling it with wonderful grace. There seems to be so much to love about Lauren! Thank you for sharing.
Lisa, I just found your blog and I am so grateful to read this post. We are waiting in the China line right now... and waiting... and waiting. Our daughter was still one when we started the paperchase. She is now five and will probably be at least 6.5 years old before we welcome home a sibling. I've been very nervous about that age gap, so I truly appreciate your perspective.
What a beautiful post and wonderful pictures. YOur love for you children shines through.
blessings,
Tami
www.tillGodbringsthemhome.blogspot.com
oh lisa, another beautifully written post. i was moved to tears. i can see how you would wonder about all of the things that you listed. i wonder how we will incorporate aspects of our child's birth culture someday. i wonder how much we will know about our child's birth mother.
how lucky tyler and lauren are to have one another. how blessed they are to have a mama like you!
seriously, you gotta start submitting this stuff to adoption/parenting magazines. seriously.
HUGS!
rachel
Oh my - I'm so glad to have stumbled onto your blog. Our first daughter from China is now 6 and a half like Lauren. And we recently received (finally after an almost 4year wait) our referral for her little sister - a 19 month old also from China. We should be in China in Aug. to bring her home.
When we started the process for her I expected there to be 2 years difference and (frankly) was motivated by the loneliness I sensed in my daughter more than my need for a second (though I can't imagine not having her now that I've seen her face in pictures).
And as the wait grew longer I worried that they wouldn't be able to relate with each other. I love the way you explain the realities of the spread and how it's unfolding for you. I'll be following along to hear more.
Thank you for sharing.
Wanda (At Last...)
atlastmilanascominhome.blogspot.com
Oh Lisa, you are such a wonderful mom, and the fact that you struggle with this means that of course you are doing everything right or at least the best that you can with the very best intentions, fully aware of all that these things mean for your kids, and that is all anyone can ask! I think that it is part of love, part of being in a family, is that sometimes it is not your turn, sometimes you have to be more patient even though you it is supposed to be your turn. I'm sure Tyler has to do that sometimes too even though he may not give voice to the aggravation, or may not quite notice yet. It is thos lessons that teach empathy and compassion and keep our kids from feeling entitled even if it is sometimes painful to see their hurt or annoyance. OK forgive me if I am going off on one of my own pet tangents.
It is plain to all of us, that Lauren is a light in the life of your family and the best big sister that Tyler could ever hope for. That beautiful heart will serve her well from now until well, forever :)
Oh she is beautiful inside and out! We too have the joy of watching our daughter become a big sister..it is amazing how much they love their little brothers. Like you, we have a lot more info for our son than our daughter and I do worry about it sometimes.
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