One Year Ago Today

One year ago today the most beautiful baby boy imagineable was placed into our arms. He was 7 months old to the day and perfect in every way possible ~ perfect for us.

In thinking of this day, I am struck by the understanding that its so much more than one day or even one moment in time; its a collection of moments, both big & small that truly create a family. The shared laughter and joys......the moments of struggle and misunderstanding.......moments of pure bliss & of self- doubt. Trips to the park...ordinary errands & outings...... picnics......evening walks around the block and stories at bedtime.....heads bent over coloring books and hanging treasured ornaments on the Christmas tree. Discovering yourself & one another, while uncovering the sweet cadence of everyday family life.

One year ago we glimpsed our precious son and finally held him in our arms. A day of celebration and joy for us; a day of confusion and sadness for someone so small. In looking back on our photos & videos I am again struck by his magnificent resilience as he was swept away from the only home he knew by 2 strangers. For certainly, though our love for him had grown all along, sadly his awareness of us was limited to a 30 minute visit in his foster home.

He grieved ~ I know he did, though it mostly manifested itself late at night. Missing his familiar faces, sounds, scents & surroundings must have been terrifying. Our hearts broke in unison for his loss & pain while at the same time wept with wonder at his stunning spirit and willingness to embrace this change. So quickly he opened his heart completely and totally to us. A gift beyond measure and a measure of his strength.

This past year has challenged us in ways I didn't think possible; this past year has also blessed us more than I can adequately express or anticipated.

I awoke last night to his sweet baby stirrings and gathered him close to rock and soothe. I realized then that only one short year ago it was another set of arms that would have cradled and held him close. Another pair of loving arms in the night.

Today and for the past year, it has been my (our) blessed arms to soothe and hold this gentle babe. My hands have bathed, diapered, dressed, hugged, caressed, protected and encircled. My lullabies that softly reassured in the night and greeted in the light of morning. My smile turned to his, our laughter ringing out in a shared moment of glee. My voice that cried out in warning or shared in teaching. My heart that shattered with joy at the arrival of this second miracle child. This amazing baby boy!

Not a day goes by that I don't thank god for the privilege and gift of being Tyler Pei-En's Mama(and of course our beautiful Lauren's too.). One year ago today I whispered in his ear.....murmurings of love, devotion and reassurance. I pledged to him that each day would be better than the next and I pray I have been able to keep that promise.

Words have honestly failed me this past week as I've thought back on our travels last year and all the days since(and that just doesn't happen often!).......my hope is that the pictures(slide show) below & my musing from previous posts might better express the journey of this past year.

I thank you all for coming along with me and for the love and support shown our family throughout.

P.S. I've added some music for just a brief time so please have a quick listen while you watch! :)