Race Matters

A few months after arriving home with Baby Tyler we found ourselves winding down Lauren's Kindergarten year with a trip to our local pool on an unseasonably steamy day in late May. Tyler was around 10 months at the time and spent the majority of his time gazing with keen interest and delight at the children splashing, the gurgling fountains and the general mayhem that you might expect between the borders of the zero depth and the deep end rope. Sprinkle in the palpable energy of the school year nearly being completed, summer looming large AND the pool only having been opened for a day or so......and well, you can probably imagine with clarity then (me) standing in waist deep water, with baby cradled at my side, about 10 feet from Lauren who was frolicking and swimming with a friend or 2 from class.

10 feet, otherwise known as the distance deemed acceptable to an "almost First Grader, you know Mama" who was anxious to strut a bit and honestly was/is a capable swimmer. So there I stood, swaying as I'm known to do (it comes so naturally now that I'm pretty sure I do this even when NOT holding a baby!) delighting in both children, one discovering a bit of independence and one just blissed out "discovering". **So sets the scene of this particular moment, forever now in my mind & heart.**

A short time later I heard (and was liberally sprinkled by crashing sprinkles of water spray) a classmate joyfully shout out to Lauren as he thrashed his way to her spot near the middle of the activity pool. I remember smiling a bit to myself and wiping a few water droplets from my face, thankful that the baby didn't take the full affects of the dousing, but beyond that my thoughts were just a lazy jumble of the day to day contentment & fluff. I may have even drifted a bit closer to the 10 foot zone, unintentionally breaching it, caught up in my murmurings to Tyler.

Because of that I don't really know what prompted the conversation I shortly became aware of between Lauren and her friend from class. (we'll call him "A") But it went something like this and is forever etched in my memory........

A: Is that your brother over their with your Mom?

Lauren: Yes, that's Tyler.

A: Is he really your brother?

Lauren:(surprised) Yes.

A: (almost with suspicion ) How come his eyes look like that? And why is his hair so dark? He doesn't look like you.

Side Bar ~ its interesting to note here that this little boy had seen us several times before within the classroom, at various school functions and at church events without showing any outward interest towards us during previous encounters. And he's honestly a very sweet boy.

It's also notable that one of Lauren's close friends was also standing there and was becoming increasingly upset with" A "and looked extremely stricken to Lauren's outward calm.

Lauren: (after a long pause in which clearly she was deciding what to say, how to say it and perhaps marshaling her wits a bit too) Tyler brought his hair and eyes with him from Taiwan and that's the way God wanted him to look. On the inside we are the same. Our hearts say...... brother & sister. (smiling...satisfied)

A: (still looking doubtful) Ummm....

Lauren: (sporting that mischievous twinkle) Besides you don't look like your brother at all either. ( totally accurate observation!)

A: (eyes wide) Hey yeah! I think he brought those with him from ........(insert the suburb next to us where he was born) too!! :)

Lauren: That's cool.

Lauren's friend: (seemingly relieved) Come on guys, let's play.

Lauren/A: Yeah!

And off they went, having tackled a topic with raw honesty and grace that many adults still struggle mightily with; a set of perceptions regarding Race (and in many ways adoption also) as witnessed by three 6 year old children ....one moment in time, but with ripples & implications nonetheless.

I remember standing there, frozen momentarily in that very sea of swirling ripples, with tears glistening and threatening to spill over. Watching with heightened intensity, thoughts no longer ambling, but sharp and focused, as one child innocently slept, nestled in the crook of my arm and oblivious to nuances of Race while another shrieked and splashed with her friends and WAS mindful of, or reminded by others that Race Matters.............even when it doesn't to a proud Big Sister.

Edit to Add: I hesitated to post this without a bit of disclaimer. Please know that prior to that encounter at the pool we had discussed issues of Race, ethnic identity , heritage and many related tangents candidly with Lauren. We also had worked steadily to arm her with an understanding that while folks might have the "right" ( or nerve!) to ask questions that might seem personal or inappropriate, she had the same right to measure her responses through deflection, humor, redirection, by answering directly if comfortable doing so or by simply ignoring a question. Empowering her to make those decisions for the moments we knew would come when one of us wasn't present for support. Empowering her so she would always have a voice or a choice.

Ultimately this was a true reflection of a little girl's earnest and beautiful heart at age 6.

November marks among other things, Adoption Awareness Month and I share this recollection in celebration of these 2 children who have blessed our lives beyond measure and well beyond our wildest dreams. Also in remembrance of those children who still await loving arms and Big Sisters (or Brothers!) to champion their innocence.

Finally, this will be part one of two Race Matters posts as I wish to share a more recent thread on this topic as seen through the lens of a now Second Grader but fear it would be too large to post as one!!! :) I think we have already established that I am a bit long winded. LOL